I've been thinking about writing a book lately. I don't want to say what it will be about right now, just in case. I will have to do some researching to see if anyone has written anything like this before, because if they have, I don't want to steal their ideas and their thunder. However, if it hasn't been written about, I don't want anyone stealing my ideas and my thunder! :) I'm excited though. If all is as expected, the next part will be to seek out the help of professionals around me in this wonderful place I'm at and see if I'm a heretic or not. Hahaha.
Bet you're intrigued now!
I think it would be a good experience to write a book. I'd get some street cred, maybe some royalties...that way, in case the teaching job market ever is slow (and there's no telling right now), there will be some income. Perhaps this will open a door and I can write children's books one day, or take art lessons and be an illustrator as well. Who knows? I've been given this idea for a reason...I'd like to see where it goes!
Other than that, I've just been living the college life, trying to keep juggling my 19 hours. 2 days of regular classes left. Just 2. I can do this. Two of my classes canceled the last session on Wednesday, which means I don't have to wake up until convo (which will be a cool one, since Miss California is coming to town!! No joke!). I have just 3 classes tomorrow, and that's it! I'll be done! I will have work, and I have some papers to write and finish, but the point is, I'm so close to the end. I thank God for getting me this far....I pray that he carries me completely through!
On another note, I get to go home for not one, but TWO weddings! Two of my childhood friends are getting married. I'm so happy for them! They are two of the kindest people I know, and so I'm elated that they get to spend their lives with someone special. I'm also pumped about seeing my FAMILY!!!! It's been waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long.
As I get older, I start to appreciate my family more and more and more and more. I can't help it. Once you start, you can't stop! They're so cool in their own ways. Yes, we have our differences, and yes, we fight, but still...we're a family, that's what happens. I love them all, they love me right back. I do wish they'd love each other a little more, but that's a whole other matter.
I'm very optimistic right now. I've been job hunting, and though nothing has come up yet, I'm hoping that the closer we get to graduation, the closer they are to calling me. I've applied for about 8 or 9 retail jobs so far; I don't have any retail experience, but I am a fast learner, a great organizer, and I work quickly when needed. However, I'm also looking for clerical work and daycare jobs. I'm also probably going to advertise myself as a part-time nanny. I do need work-related experience for education, and so maybe if I add in my description that I'll give lessons of some sort during my time together with the child, maybe that'll give me an edge.
There are SO many things I want to do this summer. I am taking classes, but they won't get in the way. Here's a brief list of the cheesy, typical summerish activities I dream of for this summer:
1) Exercise outside everyday
2) Go sailing in Nantucket (or somewhere else on Cape Cod)
3) Go to Coney Island
4) Go to Virginia Beach
5) Go camping!
6) Visit NYC with Kamilla
7) Go to carnivals and make Taylor win me stuff
8) Stroll on a boardwalk somewhere
9) Swim outside at least three times a week
10) Read all of Madeleine L'Engle's books
11) Read the CS Lewis books I wasn't able to finish
12) Get a good tan the natural way, while wearing sunscreen
13) Wear sundresses the majority of the week
14) Go to the drive-in
15) Go to Six Flags
16) Go hiking
17) Get a bike and ride it everywhere (Go green!)
18) Actually do some contributive work to Taylor's music endeavors with photography/design stuff
19) Go rollerblading through the park with Taylor
20) Be as nauseatingly adorable with Taylor as possible
(21....SAVE MONEY)
Not such a short list....and some of those things aren't exclusively summer things. But that's definitely what I want to do this summer. Hopefully I can accomplish at least half!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Christian Cliches
I've been noticing here at Liberty, as wonderful as the place is, that many people are carbon prints of each other. It's not necessarily bad, but because everyone does the exact same things as everyone else, acts the same way, has the exact same interests, etc., it leads people to believe that the Christian population is brainwashed, brain dead, and therefore brainless. I've been thinking about a few popular cliches and stereotypes that are aplenty at LU, and how to avoid them/break out of them.
1) Idolizing C.S. Lewis- We all know him as the author behind the Chronicles of Narnia series. We also know him as a converted Christian who incorporates Christianity into his work. Most Liberty-esque Christians have read his more popular titles, like The Great Divorce, The Screwtape Letters, The Problem of Pain, and Mere Christianity. Of course they are aware of the deep religious symbolism that is inscribed in those pieces. Yes, his essays deal with why Christianity is True and hence is Logical. While honoring a great, prolific writer isn't a big deal, it becomes a problem when you use him to promote your "Christian image" or when you idolize him so much that you think he could have written a third testament of the Bible. What he had been saying isn't new....it's simply restated as logical statements or reworded and disguised as fiction so that he could suck in the broadest audience available to EVANGELIZE. To avoid becoming an idolator of Lewis and/or to avoid using his ideas for personal gain (other than certain spiritual elements), expand your horizons. Read a non-Christian author and try to refute his arguments; put your knowledge to practice. Read a fiction piece that's un-related to Christianity and figure out just why the world needs God, even if the book has a happy ending. Don't focus on just one author, don't Confucionize or Bhuddize him; the world is full of literature if you break out of your bubbles and read it!
2) Praying for every little detail- Now, I'm not saying that praying is wrong. Actually, I LOVE prayer. It strengthens your walk with God, helps you realign yourself with Him, and keeps you focused on the Lord's purpose for your life. What I don't agree with is praying for sports team victories, special food requests at the dining hall, an item to do well financially, getting grades on schoolwork that you don't deserve, etc. Do you really think that just because you prayed and asked God to have the dining hall serve corndogs instead of hamburgers that somehow he'd make it so that the burgers morphed into corndogs or the staff changed their mind and switched he menu? I'm sure that God is capable of doing this; in fact, I KNOW that he is. But I believe that he's got other things on his mind to worry about, like the spiritual warfare going on in the world, or the new earth he's going to create, or maybe he's getting prepared for more celebrations of salvation decisions. While God is capable of doing anything, and while he does care about your desires, dreams, and preferences, the fact of the matter is, maybe he WANTS your team to lose to teach you something, maybe you're supposed to receive a low grade to show you that you didn't use the talents God gave you effectively enough. Instead of wasting your precious breath praying for something that honestly isn't the biggest deal, pray for people who have never tasted corndogs because there is no food, pray for people that never get to experience a low grade because there no educational system, pray for people who can't buy anything because of the poverty level. Instead of being selfish, be selfless in your prayer. Pray that God use your interests in a way that enables ministry.
3) Looking nice ALL the time. Yes, you dress up everyday for class. You dress up for church. You dress up to go to work. You dress up on your missions trips, you dress up for your local ministries. Maybe you don't look particularly fancy, but you're sure to wear your most expensive items when you're around people to show them how much God has blessed you. Yes, be proud of your blessings. However, remember that God sees you when you look your scummiest. Remember that when you minister to someone who is worse off than you, it might not be the best idea to wear your Ralph Lauren sweater or bring your Coach purse. That's just like rubbing their conditions in their faces. Wearing lots of makeup 24 hours a day? Even when you're around the people you minister to? You might as well tell them things like being successful and well-off is easy if you're beautiful, or that you can actually afford beauty. Can you go a day without makeup? If not, are you really comfortable with the way God made you? Don't be afraid to look like a scuzzball sometimes. If you're at school, you're there to learn. While you should be clean, if/when you can, it's not necessary to wear a dress everyday of the week or to have your nails done all the time. Adam and Eve didn't have those luxuries; they were happy with how God made them. It's okay to be without them, promise!
4) Getting married as soon as you start dating. This gets on my nerves more than almost anything. Especially at places like Liberty, people get engaged after dating someone for 3 months, or a similar amount of time. You don't even know the person! While you may be thinking, "gee, I could marry this person, seems like he/she could be the one!" you don't know them fully. Even if you do by some chance, is it really wise to marry while you're in college? If you already have a career going, cool. If you're going to be done in a semester anyway, whatever. You're a sophomore or a junior in college? No, hold on. You are going to have school debts to pay off. You're going to have to find a job, too, and with the economy as it is, you may not get as much money as you want. If you're still in college while you get married, and you've still a while to go, think about what you're doing. You're going to have to pay off your wedding (unless someone is paying it off for you), some kind of rent or mortgage payment, and bills of all kinds that DON'T include your school bills (insurance, electric, water, cell phone, etc.). If you go to school full time and don't have a decent sized scholarship, you're in trouble. If you love the person, and it's true love, the two of you will be able to make it through until AFTER you've graduated. It'll be better. You'll be able to get to know each other more and practice working through stresses and problems that are bound to arise. True love works through anything, right? Right. :) I will be truthful, I am jealous of those who are able to get married, but I'm more frustrated because I'm nowhere NEAR marriage-ready (although I may be at least halfway there), and I've dated Taylor longer than a lot of people have dated their fiancees. Just chill, relax, and enjoy being an adolescent.
That's all for now, there are LOTS more, but I have class.
1) Idolizing C.S. Lewis- We all know him as the author behind the Chronicles of Narnia series. We also know him as a converted Christian who incorporates Christianity into his work. Most Liberty-esque Christians have read his more popular titles, like The Great Divorce, The Screwtape Letters, The Problem of Pain, and Mere Christianity. Of course they are aware of the deep religious symbolism that is inscribed in those pieces. Yes, his essays deal with why Christianity is True and hence is Logical. While honoring a great, prolific writer isn't a big deal, it becomes a problem when you use him to promote your "Christian image" or when you idolize him so much that you think he could have written a third testament of the Bible. What he had been saying isn't new....it's simply restated as logical statements or reworded and disguised as fiction so that he could suck in the broadest audience available to EVANGELIZE. To avoid becoming an idolator of Lewis and/or to avoid using his ideas for personal gain (other than certain spiritual elements), expand your horizons. Read a non-Christian author and try to refute his arguments; put your knowledge to practice. Read a fiction piece that's un-related to Christianity and figure out just why the world needs God, even if the book has a happy ending. Don't focus on just one author, don't Confucionize or Bhuddize him; the world is full of literature if you break out of your bubbles and read it!
2) Praying for every little detail- Now, I'm not saying that praying is wrong. Actually, I LOVE prayer. It strengthens your walk with God, helps you realign yourself with Him, and keeps you focused on the Lord's purpose for your life. What I don't agree with is praying for sports team victories, special food requests at the dining hall, an item to do well financially, getting grades on schoolwork that you don't deserve, etc. Do you really think that just because you prayed and asked God to have the dining hall serve corndogs instead of hamburgers that somehow he'd make it so that the burgers morphed into corndogs or the staff changed their mind and switched he menu? I'm sure that God is capable of doing this; in fact, I KNOW that he is. But I believe that he's got other things on his mind to worry about, like the spiritual warfare going on in the world, or the new earth he's going to create, or maybe he's getting prepared for more celebrations of salvation decisions. While God is capable of doing anything, and while he does care about your desires, dreams, and preferences, the fact of the matter is, maybe he WANTS your team to lose to teach you something, maybe you're supposed to receive a low grade to show you that you didn't use the talents God gave you effectively enough. Instead of wasting your precious breath praying for something that honestly isn't the biggest deal, pray for people who have never tasted corndogs because there is no food, pray for people that never get to experience a low grade because there no educational system, pray for people who can't buy anything because of the poverty level. Instead of being selfish, be selfless in your prayer. Pray that God use your interests in a way that enables ministry.
3) Looking nice ALL the time. Yes, you dress up everyday for class. You dress up for church. You dress up to go to work. You dress up on your missions trips, you dress up for your local ministries. Maybe you don't look particularly fancy, but you're sure to wear your most expensive items when you're around people to show them how much God has blessed you. Yes, be proud of your blessings. However, remember that God sees you when you look your scummiest. Remember that when you minister to someone who is worse off than you, it might not be the best idea to wear your Ralph Lauren sweater or bring your Coach purse. That's just like rubbing their conditions in their faces. Wearing lots of makeup 24 hours a day? Even when you're around the people you minister to? You might as well tell them things like being successful and well-off is easy if you're beautiful, or that you can actually afford beauty. Can you go a day without makeup? If not, are you really comfortable with the way God made you? Don't be afraid to look like a scuzzball sometimes. If you're at school, you're there to learn. While you should be clean, if/when you can, it's not necessary to wear a dress everyday of the week or to have your nails done all the time. Adam and Eve didn't have those luxuries; they were happy with how God made them. It's okay to be without them, promise!
4) Getting married as soon as you start dating. This gets on my nerves more than almost anything. Especially at places like Liberty, people get engaged after dating someone for 3 months, or a similar amount of time. You don't even know the person! While you may be thinking, "gee, I could marry this person, seems like he/she could be the one!" you don't know them fully. Even if you do by some chance, is it really wise to marry while you're in college? If you already have a career going, cool. If you're going to be done in a semester anyway, whatever. You're a sophomore or a junior in college? No, hold on. You are going to have school debts to pay off. You're going to have to find a job, too, and with the economy as it is, you may not get as much money as you want. If you're still in college while you get married, and you've still a while to go, think about what you're doing. You're going to have to pay off your wedding (unless someone is paying it off for you), some kind of rent or mortgage payment, and bills of all kinds that DON'T include your school bills (insurance, electric, water, cell phone, etc.). If you go to school full time and don't have a decent sized scholarship, you're in trouble. If you love the person, and it's true love, the two of you will be able to make it through until AFTER you've graduated. It'll be better. You'll be able to get to know each other more and practice working through stresses and problems that are bound to arise. True love works through anything, right? Right. :) I will be truthful, I am jealous of those who are able to get married, but I'm more frustrated because I'm nowhere NEAR marriage-ready (although I may be at least halfway there), and I've dated Taylor longer than a lot of people have dated their fiancees. Just chill, relax, and enjoy being an adolescent.
That's all for now, there are LOTS more, but I have class.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Optimist today!
I'm more cheerful today than I was before.
I've been praying more, and I think God is just putting stuff in my life to draw me closer.
I've got the hint, Father. I've got it. I'm coming!
I know that sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes circumstances prevent growth in a friendship, so I'm praying that things will improve. I still care about everyone in my life very very much, and they should know that if I can ever do anything for them, I will.
I miss my friends from So. IL very dearly...I hope I get to see them soon. My mom is paying for me to go to a childhood friend's wedding (it's her best friend's son. we've shared a crib), and that's the only reason I'm going home. I will be there for maybe 3 days...I will have to come back since I'm taking summer classes. I'm so glad she was willing to buy my ticket...otherwise I couldn't have come back.
I hope to visit for a week or two in July. I'll be bringing Taylor with me so everyone can meet him and see how wonderful he is!!!
I've turned in about 8 applications for this summer, all in retail. I really need some new clothes, and I thought working in clothing stores would be beneficial for a summer job. Be praying that something comes up! I'm going to apply to other places, too, like some daycare centers. That way I can put some relevant work on my resume, and maybe have a different work schedule in the fall. I'm not getting much sleep since I work late most days. The goal, since my classes are done early, is to work a couple days a week, be done with that by 5, and have the evening to relax and study, hopefully getting to bed BY 11.
It's a stretch, but it's doable I think.
I've been praying more, and I think God is just putting stuff in my life to draw me closer.
I've got the hint, Father. I've got it. I'm coming!
I know that sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes circumstances prevent growth in a friendship, so I'm praying that things will improve. I still care about everyone in my life very very much, and they should know that if I can ever do anything for them, I will.
I miss my friends from So. IL very dearly...I hope I get to see them soon. My mom is paying for me to go to a childhood friend's wedding (it's her best friend's son. we've shared a crib), and that's the only reason I'm going home. I will be there for maybe 3 days...I will have to come back since I'm taking summer classes. I'm so glad she was willing to buy my ticket...otherwise I couldn't have come back.
I hope to visit for a week or two in July. I'll be bringing Taylor with me so everyone can meet him and see how wonderful he is!!!
I've turned in about 8 applications for this summer, all in retail. I really need some new clothes, and I thought working in clothing stores would be beneficial for a summer job. Be praying that something comes up! I'm going to apply to other places, too, like some daycare centers. That way I can put some relevant work on my resume, and maybe have a different work schedule in the fall. I'm not getting much sleep since I work late most days. The goal, since my classes are done early, is to work a couple days a week, be done with that by 5, and have the evening to relax and study, hopefully getting to bed BY 11.
It's a stretch, but it's doable I think.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Rain, Rain, Go Away!
That song was always depressing. I like the rain. Well, the sound of it, anyway. Makes for some good reading atmosphere, especially when it's been a blah sort of day. Or rather semester. I've been having the same problems over and over again. When I think they've finally gone away for good, they just come back and bite me.
A small thing is just too much schoolwork. I try to balance all of the work I have to do with trying to have a healthy social life and keeping myself healthy and well, it doesn't exactly work all of the time. I get swamped with different assignments and deadlines, I end up hanging out with just Taylor, hardly spend time with my dad, don't get enough rest at all....then I fall behind. I end up praying that my teachers give me grace that I truly don't deserve. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. It's frustrating just trying to be enough.
The second thing, and probably the most stressful thing, is the relationship I'm in. The relationship between me and Taylor, considering just the two of us, is great. We talk things out, we make each other laugh, we trust each other completely, we try to lead to other to God (we still work very hard on that one...that's not where it should be but we are trying!). But when you try to factor in that we don't have a lot of money, that presents a bit of a problem. Like we don't go out a lot anymore, and then Taylor and my dad bump heads. Or rather Taylor's head gets bumped. I don't think that my dad likes Taylor. If he did, I'm not sure he does anymore. Maybe he has the potential to like him (or like him again), but there are a few things preventing that I guess. Like Taylor getting a degree in Worship with a business specialization. To my dad, that's a worthless degree he can't get a job with. Taylor has ADD, and to my dad, that's a scapegoat for all of the problems that occur in Taylor's or my life. I've been paying for more stuff lately, so I'm dating him instead of him dating me. Basically it all comes to one huge nuclear climax, and there is no resolution in sight.
I never dreamed this for myself. When I was younger, I imagined a perfect life; when you're young you're completely unaware of all the bad things around you...and of course nothing bad will ever happen to you. I thought I'd be living by myself by now, graduating college early, having a double major, a cool car, cool pets, tons of friends, a fiancee, parents that were married, brother and sister who call me or I call them daily......but I don't have that. Life got in the way. The plans that I had for myself went down the drain. Granted, I've changed job prospects hundreds of times since I was little, but the idea remained the same...I would work so hard to get ahead, get lots of friends and family support, and have all of my dreams come true. I guess God has something else in store for me. I just wish it were something good for a change. That'd be nice.
I keep praying for some kind of resolution, but I don't see one. A future with Taylor looks bleaker and bleaker sometimes. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but sometimes I worry about how we'll make it. I want some friends. I'm supposed to have the greatest friends in the world...that's what college is for, right? Maybe not. The best friends I used to have are gone now. Sometimes it's hard to think that they still care. The friends I have at Liberty don't really ask me to do anything unless they need a ride or something. I feel that most of my friendships there are conditional. That's the downside of not living in the dorms I guess. I feel very lonely.
It's growing harder and harder to fill the void. I would love to fill it with some Jesus, but that doesn't even seem like it works. I can't seem to let go of my dreams and replace them with God's.
I hope that this will be fixed sometime soon. It's getting to be all too much anymore. It's getting old. I don't want to deal with it anymore; I'm sick of it. When will it change?
A small thing is just too much schoolwork. I try to balance all of the work I have to do with trying to have a healthy social life and keeping myself healthy and well, it doesn't exactly work all of the time. I get swamped with different assignments and deadlines, I end up hanging out with just Taylor, hardly spend time with my dad, don't get enough rest at all....then I fall behind. I end up praying that my teachers give me grace that I truly don't deserve. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. It's frustrating just trying to be enough.
The second thing, and probably the most stressful thing, is the relationship I'm in. The relationship between me and Taylor, considering just the two of us, is great. We talk things out, we make each other laugh, we trust each other completely, we try to lead to other to God (we still work very hard on that one...that's not where it should be but we are trying!). But when you try to factor in that we don't have a lot of money, that presents a bit of a problem. Like we don't go out a lot anymore, and then Taylor and my dad bump heads. Or rather Taylor's head gets bumped. I don't think that my dad likes Taylor. If he did, I'm not sure he does anymore. Maybe he has the potential to like him (or like him again), but there are a few things preventing that I guess. Like Taylor getting a degree in Worship with a business specialization. To my dad, that's a worthless degree he can't get a job with. Taylor has ADD, and to my dad, that's a scapegoat for all of the problems that occur in Taylor's or my life. I've been paying for more stuff lately, so I'm dating him instead of him dating me. Basically it all comes to one huge nuclear climax, and there is no resolution in sight.
I never dreamed this for myself. When I was younger, I imagined a perfect life; when you're young you're completely unaware of all the bad things around you...and of course nothing bad will ever happen to you. I thought I'd be living by myself by now, graduating college early, having a double major, a cool car, cool pets, tons of friends, a fiancee, parents that were married, brother and sister who call me or I call them daily......but I don't have that. Life got in the way. The plans that I had for myself went down the drain. Granted, I've changed job prospects hundreds of times since I was little, but the idea remained the same...I would work so hard to get ahead, get lots of friends and family support, and have all of my dreams come true. I guess God has something else in store for me. I just wish it were something good for a change. That'd be nice.
I keep praying for some kind of resolution, but I don't see one. A future with Taylor looks bleaker and bleaker sometimes. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but sometimes I worry about how we'll make it. I want some friends. I'm supposed to have the greatest friends in the world...that's what college is for, right? Maybe not. The best friends I used to have are gone now. Sometimes it's hard to think that they still care. The friends I have at Liberty don't really ask me to do anything unless they need a ride or something. I feel that most of my friendships there are conditional. That's the downside of not living in the dorms I guess. I feel very lonely.
It's growing harder and harder to fill the void. I would love to fill it with some Jesus, but that doesn't even seem like it works. I can't seem to let go of my dreams and replace them with God's.
I hope that this will be fixed sometime soon. It's getting to be all too much anymore. It's getting old. I don't want to deal with it anymore; I'm sick of it. When will it change?
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