I've been waaaay too busy! I am going to try to do better, I promise!
I guess I should update on what has happened from the rest of summer until now.
1) I finished summer classes, and I did really well!!
2) Had a trip to Washington, D.C. for the Independence Day weekend...it did NOT turn out as well as I was anticipating. Let's just say that a bunch of irrational anger and assumptions put a damper on a lots of things; to cap it all off, my father is not too crazy about Taylor anymore for no valid reason. That, however, is getting worked out. I hope that as long as I can keep praying and asking for advice and guidance, God will provide all that the situation needs and it will be resolved when it needs to be. Realizing THAT took a very long time, but now that I have realized that it's not in my hands at all, and all I have to do is have faith....it's VERY comforting to know that I don't actually have to fix it immediately. God will give me enough strength and wisdom whenever I need it, and when it's fixed, it will be fixed quite wonderfully! :)
3) Taylor and I almost broke up. Our relationship was really serious from almost the start. We were too intense for our own good, I guess. We had to take a step back and really work on ourselves. We worked out some things, but we're still working on others. We know that it's going to be a loooong time before either of us are going to be ready to get married, so there's no point in feeling rushed and pressured. That will only destroy our relationship from the inside out. We know better now. :) :)
4) I visited home for a couple of weeks. I was able to spend lots of time with my family! I also met my mother's new boyfriend. As of this week or so, they're getting married. I have a few opinions about it, like I think it might be a little rushed (like they've-been-dating-for-2-months rushed), but for the sake of my mother's happiness, my mouth will stay closed. If she's happy, I guess I'm happy, too. I'm co-MOH with my sister, so that'll be fun. The wedding is November 28th. I hope she's genuinely happy with Robert. I don't know if I myself can handle another one.
5) School has started once again. I started senior year #1 (since I transferred and then changed majors, I had to tack on an extra year in order to get things done without wrecking myself) on Monday. I LOVE all of my classes. For education, I'm taking the literacy block, so I'll get to relearn phonics, reading techniques, writing techniques, better my communication with others, and learn how to teach all of these things as well. My teachers for those classes are so lovely; they all have such a passion and are so helpful in getting you where you need to be. :) I'm also taking Creation Studies, a required class that goes in depth with the creation/evolution debate. I find this class so interesting already! Then I've got 2 history courses; one is about the era of the American Revolution and the other is immigrant/minority history. The former is a hybrid class, so I only go once a week and then I teach myself the rest of it. I was a little nervous about that at first, but I'm loving it now! The latter is a great course too, especially because immigrant history has always intrigued me. I hope we get to study that in enough depth to satisfy this craving I have for it now!!
I'm very excited for what this year has to offer...I hope it's one of major growth for me. I need it. I hope I can be a role model for the students I will be teaching and observing this year with my practicum as well as to my peers. I hope I can be a source of encouragement. I hope I can remain even-tempered, even when it feels like I'm falling apart (because that does happen from time to time...it's part of life I guess). God has always held me together before, and I am certain that he will continue to do so!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Oops...
I've been so busy I haven't thought of blogging at all. Woops. Maybe this isn't working out so much for me after all. We'll see how far I can go, though.
So, it's summer now. I'm taking summer classes; I've finished up the first session already (earth science + lab) and now I'm halfway through the second one (philosophy). I do like summer school...I never thought that I would. I guess I'm a nerd when it comes to school, though. I really enjoy the small class sizes and the intensity we move with. It's a perfect pace for me! There's not a lot of time to forget anything, and you're almost forced to learn the material quickly because of weekly exams. Great stuff!
I've been back to St. Louie once already for a wedding. My childhood friend was getting married, and I was able to go back home to see it! I also got to catch up with one of my oldest gal friends, which was really nice. I hadn't talked to her in about a year or two, and I was really grateful that I could do that. We're so different now, but we still get along great, almost like there hasn't been a rift between us.
Taylor and I are in separate places for the summer, but that doesn't affect us one bit!! We are very close, especially now. He's my best friend...and I'm not ashamed to say that my boyfriend is my bestie! I used to stand firm that a boyfriend should NEVER be a best friend, but now that it's happened, I don't see why I ever thought that. I suppose it would be terrible if we broke up, but we're planning on getting married, so I don't see a downside. He's been working at the jewelry store, and he called me the other night to tell me that he has pretty much picked out my ring. He's designing it through the store he works at...which also means an employee discount!! I know it will still be awhile before anything happens, but just knowing that he's decided on what to give me and that he's starting to work it out puts me at so much ease! I don't have a fear of being left alone, not at all! We're maturing in our relationship, and I love it. Taylor came to visit me for 5 days during my birthday weekend (I turned 21). It was nothing fancy, but I did get to spend my 21st with my dad and Taylor. And with my classmates. Because I still had school. Haha. But we will see each other again on Thursday (!) because we're meeting halfway for a day-date kind of thing. And then we'll see each other for a 4th of July trip my dad and I are taking. AND THEN we will be together for 2 weeks straight while I help his church with VBS and then when he comes home with me for a week to visit around. I CAN'T WAIT!!
I'm going home this weekend to see yet another wedding. My old friends just can't stay single! But that's okay. I'm just glad I get to see my family this summer, because last summer I worked at a camp, and saw them once. Suck city, man.
As for other things, I've been laying outside, trying to tan the natural way. I'm so scared of tanning beds. It's been working, but lately it's been cloudy and rainy and stormy, and so I haven't been able to lay out in the sunshine hardly at all. I've also been exercising more, which I'm very proud of myself for. I even bought some new workout tapes, one of which being a weight-loss yoga DVD and then a Dirty Dancing Dance Workout DVD (!!!). I've been really excited to do them, but when I get home, my dad is here. Usually about 20-30 minutes after lunch is my tanning and then exercising time, but I have to exercise downstairs for the time being because I need the TV. I can't exercise with my dad around...he'll try to make jokes and while he won't mean anything by it at all, I know I'd feel self-conscious and stop. So I will have to adjust and exercise with the DVD's when he retires to his room for the night. Other than that, I will resort to the stuff I was doing before in my room. I even bought cute little blue weights to tone with!
I've also been baking and cooking lately. I've conquered homeade chicken cordon bleu and about 3 different desserts. Plus simmered green beans. Basically I'm trying to practice for when I move out in about 2 short years, if that. I've also been cleaning and doing more chores by choice, which I'm also proud of. Someone's going to have to do it, it might as well be me! We (my dad and I) still have to sort through the stuff in the basement so that we can furnish that room completely, so that's the next big project. It's been a gung ho summer so far, and I'm excited for the rest of it.
OH and my dad bought a Chrysler Sebring hardtop convertible!! It's steel gray-blue and beautiful. I was able to drive it on the Blue Ridge Parkway all the way down to Roanoke, where we went shopping at the mall for a bit followed by a dinner at B-dubs.
Life is good right now, and I hope it stays this way for a loooong time.
So, it's summer now. I'm taking summer classes; I've finished up the first session already (earth science + lab) and now I'm halfway through the second one (philosophy). I do like summer school...I never thought that I would. I guess I'm a nerd when it comes to school, though. I really enjoy the small class sizes and the intensity we move with. It's a perfect pace for me! There's not a lot of time to forget anything, and you're almost forced to learn the material quickly because of weekly exams. Great stuff!
I've been back to St. Louie once already for a wedding. My childhood friend was getting married, and I was able to go back home to see it! I also got to catch up with one of my oldest gal friends, which was really nice. I hadn't talked to her in about a year or two, and I was really grateful that I could do that. We're so different now, but we still get along great, almost like there hasn't been a rift between us.
Taylor and I are in separate places for the summer, but that doesn't affect us one bit!! We are very close, especially now. He's my best friend...and I'm not ashamed to say that my boyfriend is my bestie! I used to stand firm that a boyfriend should NEVER be a best friend, but now that it's happened, I don't see why I ever thought that. I suppose it would be terrible if we broke up, but we're planning on getting married, so I don't see a downside. He's been working at the jewelry store, and he called me the other night to tell me that he has pretty much picked out my ring. He's designing it through the store he works at...which also means an employee discount!! I know it will still be awhile before anything happens, but just knowing that he's decided on what to give me and that he's starting to work it out puts me at so much ease! I don't have a fear of being left alone, not at all! We're maturing in our relationship, and I love it. Taylor came to visit me for 5 days during my birthday weekend (I turned 21). It was nothing fancy, but I did get to spend my 21st with my dad and Taylor. And with my classmates. Because I still had school. Haha. But we will see each other again on Thursday (!) because we're meeting halfway for a day-date kind of thing. And then we'll see each other for a 4th of July trip my dad and I are taking. AND THEN we will be together for 2 weeks straight while I help his church with VBS and then when he comes home with me for a week to visit around. I CAN'T WAIT!!
I'm going home this weekend to see yet another wedding. My old friends just can't stay single! But that's okay. I'm just glad I get to see my family this summer, because last summer I worked at a camp, and saw them once. Suck city, man.
As for other things, I've been laying outside, trying to tan the natural way. I'm so scared of tanning beds. It's been working, but lately it's been cloudy and rainy and stormy, and so I haven't been able to lay out in the sunshine hardly at all. I've also been exercising more, which I'm very proud of myself for. I even bought some new workout tapes, one of which being a weight-loss yoga DVD and then a Dirty Dancing Dance Workout DVD (!!!). I've been really excited to do them, but when I get home, my dad is here. Usually about 20-30 minutes after lunch is my tanning and then exercising time, but I have to exercise downstairs for the time being because I need the TV. I can't exercise with my dad around...he'll try to make jokes and while he won't mean anything by it at all, I know I'd feel self-conscious and stop. So I will have to adjust and exercise with the DVD's when he retires to his room for the night. Other than that, I will resort to the stuff I was doing before in my room. I even bought cute little blue weights to tone with!
I've also been baking and cooking lately. I've conquered homeade chicken cordon bleu and about 3 different desserts. Plus simmered green beans. Basically I'm trying to practice for when I move out in about 2 short years, if that. I've also been cleaning and doing more chores by choice, which I'm also proud of. Someone's going to have to do it, it might as well be me! We (my dad and I) still have to sort through the stuff in the basement so that we can furnish that room completely, so that's the next big project. It's been a gung ho summer so far, and I'm excited for the rest of it.
OH and my dad bought a Chrysler Sebring hardtop convertible!! It's steel gray-blue and beautiful. I was able to drive it on the Blue Ridge Parkway all the way down to Roanoke, where we went shopping at the mall for a bit followed by a dinner at B-dubs.
Life is good right now, and I hope it stays this way for a loooong time.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Am I writer wrong? (hahahahaha)
I've been thinking about writing a book lately. I don't want to say what it will be about right now, just in case. I will have to do some researching to see if anyone has written anything like this before, because if they have, I don't want to steal their ideas and their thunder. However, if it hasn't been written about, I don't want anyone stealing my ideas and my thunder! :) I'm excited though. If all is as expected, the next part will be to seek out the help of professionals around me in this wonderful place I'm at and see if I'm a heretic or not. Hahaha.
Bet you're intrigued now!
I think it would be a good experience to write a book. I'd get some street cred, maybe some royalties...that way, in case the teaching job market ever is slow (and there's no telling right now), there will be some income. Perhaps this will open a door and I can write children's books one day, or take art lessons and be an illustrator as well. Who knows? I've been given this idea for a reason...I'd like to see where it goes!
Other than that, I've just been living the college life, trying to keep juggling my 19 hours. 2 days of regular classes left. Just 2. I can do this. Two of my classes canceled the last session on Wednesday, which means I don't have to wake up until convo (which will be a cool one, since Miss California is coming to town!! No joke!). I have just 3 classes tomorrow, and that's it! I'll be done! I will have work, and I have some papers to write and finish, but the point is, I'm so close to the end. I thank God for getting me this far....I pray that he carries me completely through!
On another note, I get to go home for not one, but TWO weddings! Two of my childhood friends are getting married. I'm so happy for them! They are two of the kindest people I know, and so I'm elated that they get to spend their lives with someone special. I'm also pumped about seeing my FAMILY!!!! It's been waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long.
As I get older, I start to appreciate my family more and more and more and more. I can't help it. Once you start, you can't stop! They're so cool in their own ways. Yes, we have our differences, and yes, we fight, but still...we're a family, that's what happens. I love them all, they love me right back. I do wish they'd love each other a little more, but that's a whole other matter.
I'm very optimistic right now. I've been job hunting, and though nothing has come up yet, I'm hoping that the closer we get to graduation, the closer they are to calling me. I've applied for about 8 or 9 retail jobs so far; I don't have any retail experience, but I am a fast learner, a great organizer, and I work quickly when needed. However, I'm also looking for clerical work and daycare jobs. I'm also probably going to advertise myself as a part-time nanny. I do need work-related experience for education, and so maybe if I add in my description that I'll give lessons of some sort during my time together with the child, maybe that'll give me an edge.
There are SO many things I want to do this summer. I am taking classes, but they won't get in the way. Here's a brief list of the cheesy, typical summerish activities I dream of for this summer:
1) Exercise outside everyday
2) Go sailing in Nantucket (or somewhere else on Cape Cod)
3) Go to Coney Island
4) Go to Virginia Beach
5) Go camping!
6) Visit NYC with Kamilla
7) Go to carnivals and make Taylor win me stuff
8) Stroll on a boardwalk somewhere
9) Swim outside at least three times a week
10) Read all of Madeleine L'Engle's books
11) Read the CS Lewis books I wasn't able to finish
12) Get a good tan the natural way, while wearing sunscreen
13) Wear sundresses the majority of the week
14) Go to the drive-in
15) Go to Six Flags
16) Go hiking
17) Get a bike and ride it everywhere (Go green!)
18) Actually do some contributive work to Taylor's music endeavors with photography/design stuff
19) Go rollerblading through the park with Taylor
20) Be as nauseatingly adorable with Taylor as possible
(21....SAVE MONEY)
Not such a short list....and some of those things aren't exclusively summer things. But that's definitely what I want to do this summer. Hopefully I can accomplish at least half!
Bet you're intrigued now!
I think it would be a good experience to write a book. I'd get some street cred, maybe some royalties...that way, in case the teaching job market ever is slow (and there's no telling right now), there will be some income. Perhaps this will open a door and I can write children's books one day, or take art lessons and be an illustrator as well. Who knows? I've been given this idea for a reason...I'd like to see where it goes!
Other than that, I've just been living the college life, trying to keep juggling my 19 hours. 2 days of regular classes left. Just 2. I can do this. Two of my classes canceled the last session on Wednesday, which means I don't have to wake up until convo (which will be a cool one, since Miss California is coming to town!! No joke!). I have just 3 classes tomorrow, and that's it! I'll be done! I will have work, and I have some papers to write and finish, but the point is, I'm so close to the end. I thank God for getting me this far....I pray that he carries me completely through!
On another note, I get to go home for not one, but TWO weddings! Two of my childhood friends are getting married. I'm so happy for them! They are two of the kindest people I know, and so I'm elated that they get to spend their lives with someone special. I'm also pumped about seeing my FAMILY!!!! It's been waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long.
As I get older, I start to appreciate my family more and more and more and more. I can't help it. Once you start, you can't stop! They're so cool in their own ways. Yes, we have our differences, and yes, we fight, but still...we're a family, that's what happens. I love them all, they love me right back. I do wish they'd love each other a little more, but that's a whole other matter.
I'm very optimistic right now. I've been job hunting, and though nothing has come up yet, I'm hoping that the closer we get to graduation, the closer they are to calling me. I've applied for about 8 or 9 retail jobs so far; I don't have any retail experience, but I am a fast learner, a great organizer, and I work quickly when needed. However, I'm also looking for clerical work and daycare jobs. I'm also probably going to advertise myself as a part-time nanny. I do need work-related experience for education, and so maybe if I add in my description that I'll give lessons of some sort during my time together with the child, maybe that'll give me an edge.
There are SO many things I want to do this summer. I am taking classes, but they won't get in the way. Here's a brief list of the cheesy, typical summerish activities I dream of for this summer:
1) Exercise outside everyday
2) Go sailing in Nantucket (or somewhere else on Cape Cod)
3) Go to Coney Island
4) Go to Virginia Beach
5) Go camping!
6) Visit NYC with Kamilla
7) Go to carnivals and make Taylor win me stuff
8) Stroll on a boardwalk somewhere
9) Swim outside at least three times a week
10) Read all of Madeleine L'Engle's books
11) Read the CS Lewis books I wasn't able to finish
12) Get a good tan the natural way, while wearing sunscreen
13) Wear sundresses the majority of the week
14) Go to the drive-in
15) Go to Six Flags
16) Go hiking
17) Get a bike and ride it everywhere (Go green!)
18) Actually do some contributive work to Taylor's music endeavors with photography/design stuff
19) Go rollerblading through the park with Taylor
20) Be as nauseatingly adorable with Taylor as possible
(21....SAVE MONEY)
Not such a short list....and some of those things aren't exclusively summer things. But that's definitely what I want to do this summer. Hopefully I can accomplish at least half!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Christian Cliches
I've been noticing here at Liberty, as wonderful as the place is, that many people are carbon prints of each other. It's not necessarily bad, but because everyone does the exact same things as everyone else, acts the same way, has the exact same interests, etc., it leads people to believe that the Christian population is brainwashed, brain dead, and therefore brainless. I've been thinking about a few popular cliches and stereotypes that are aplenty at LU, and how to avoid them/break out of them.
1) Idolizing C.S. Lewis- We all know him as the author behind the Chronicles of Narnia series. We also know him as a converted Christian who incorporates Christianity into his work. Most Liberty-esque Christians have read his more popular titles, like The Great Divorce, The Screwtape Letters, The Problem of Pain, and Mere Christianity. Of course they are aware of the deep religious symbolism that is inscribed in those pieces. Yes, his essays deal with why Christianity is True and hence is Logical. While honoring a great, prolific writer isn't a big deal, it becomes a problem when you use him to promote your "Christian image" or when you idolize him so much that you think he could have written a third testament of the Bible. What he had been saying isn't new....it's simply restated as logical statements or reworded and disguised as fiction so that he could suck in the broadest audience available to EVANGELIZE. To avoid becoming an idolator of Lewis and/or to avoid using his ideas for personal gain (other than certain spiritual elements), expand your horizons. Read a non-Christian author and try to refute his arguments; put your knowledge to practice. Read a fiction piece that's un-related to Christianity and figure out just why the world needs God, even if the book has a happy ending. Don't focus on just one author, don't Confucionize or Bhuddize him; the world is full of literature if you break out of your bubbles and read it!
2) Praying for every little detail- Now, I'm not saying that praying is wrong. Actually, I LOVE prayer. It strengthens your walk with God, helps you realign yourself with Him, and keeps you focused on the Lord's purpose for your life. What I don't agree with is praying for sports team victories, special food requests at the dining hall, an item to do well financially, getting grades on schoolwork that you don't deserve, etc. Do you really think that just because you prayed and asked God to have the dining hall serve corndogs instead of hamburgers that somehow he'd make it so that the burgers morphed into corndogs or the staff changed their mind and switched he menu? I'm sure that God is capable of doing this; in fact, I KNOW that he is. But I believe that he's got other things on his mind to worry about, like the spiritual warfare going on in the world, or the new earth he's going to create, or maybe he's getting prepared for more celebrations of salvation decisions. While God is capable of doing anything, and while he does care about your desires, dreams, and preferences, the fact of the matter is, maybe he WANTS your team to lose to teach you something, maybe you're supposed to receive a low grade to show you that you didn't use the talents God gave you effectively enough. Instead of wasting your precious breath praying for something that honestly isn't the biggest deal, pray for people who have never tasted corndogs because there is no food, pray for people that never get to experience a low grade because there no educational system, pray for people who can't buy anything because of the poverty level. Instead of being selfish, be selfless in your prayer. Pray that God use your interests in a way that enables ministry.
3) Looking nice ALL the time. Yes, you dress up everyday for class. You dress up for church. You dress up to go to work. You dress up on your missions trips, you dress up for your local ministries. Maybe you don't look particularly fancy, but you're sure to wear your most expensive items when you're around people to show them how much God has blessed you. Yes, be proud of your blessings. However, remember that God sees you when you look your scummiest. Remember that when you minister to someone who is worse off than you, it might not be the best idea to wear your Ralph Lauren sweater or bring your Coach purse. That's just like rubbing their conditions in their faces. Wearing lots of makeup 24 hours a day? Even when you're around the people you minister to? You might as well tell them things like being successful and well-off is easy if you're beautiful, or that you can actually afford beauty. Can you go a day without makeup? If not, are you really comfortable with the way God made you? Don't be afraid to look like a scuzzball sometimes. If you're at school, you're there to learn. While you should be clean, if/when you can, it's not necessary to wear a dress everyday of the week or to have your nails done all the time. Adam and Eve didn't have those luxuries; they were happy with how God made them. It's okay to be without them, promise!
4) Getting married as soon as you start dating. This gets on my nerves more than almost anything. Especially at places like Liberty, people get engaged after dating someone for 3 months, or a similar amount of time. You don't even know the person! While you may be thinking, "gee, I could marry this person, seems like he/she could be the one!" you don't know them fully. Even if you do by some chance, is it really wise to marry while you're in college? If you already have a career going, cool. If you're going to be done in a semester anyway, whatever. You're a sophomore or a junior in college? No, hold on. You are going to have school debts to pay off. You're going to have to find a job, too, and with the economy as it is, you may not get as much money as you want. If you're still in college while you get married, and you've still a while to go, think about what you're doing. You're going to have to pay off your wedding (unless someone is paying it off for you), some kind of rent or mortgage payment, and bills of all kinds that DON'T include your school bills (insurance, electric, water, cell phone, etc.). If you go to school full time and don't have a decent sized scholarship, you're in trouble. If you love the person, and it's true love, the two of you will be able to make it through until AFTER you've graduated. It'll be better. You'll be able to get to know each other more and practice working through stresses and problems that are bound to arise. True love works through anything, right? Right. :) I will be truthful, I am jealous of those who are able to get married, but I'm more frustrated because I'm nowhere NEAR marriage-ready (although I may be at least halfway there), and I've dated Taylor longer than a lot of people have dated their fiancees. Just chill, relax, and enjoy being an adolescent.
That's all for now, there are LOTS more, but I have class.
1) Idolizing C.S. Lewis- We all know him as the author behind the Chronicles of Narnia series. We also know him as a converted Christian who incorporates Christianity into his work. Most Liberty-esque Christians have read his more popular titles, like The Great Divorce, The Screwtape Letters, The Problem of Pain, and Mere Christianity. Of course they are aware of the deep religious symbolism that is inscribed in those pieces. Yes, his essays deal with why Christianity is True and hence is Logical. While honoring a great, prolific writer isn't a big deal, it becomes a problem when you use him to promote your "Christian image" or when you idolize him so much that you think he could have written a third testament of the Bible. What he had been saying isn't new....it's simply restated as logical statements or reworded and disguised as fiction so that he could suck in the broadest audience available to EVANGELIZE. To avoid becoming an idolator of Lewis and/or to avoid using his ideas for personal gain (other than certain spiritual elements), expand your horizons. Read a non-Christian author and try to refute his arguments; put your knowledge to practice. Read a fiction piece that's un-related to Christianity and figure out just why the world needs God, even if the book has a happy ending. Don't focus on just one author, don't Confucionize or Bhuddize him; the world is full of literature if you break out of your bubbles and read it!
2) Praying for every little detail- Now, I'm not saying that praying is wrong. Actually, I LOVE prayer. It strengthens your walk with God, helps you realign yourself with Him, and keeps you focused on the Lord's purpose for your life. What I don't agree with is praying for sports team victories, special food requests at the dining hall, an item to do well financially, getting grades on schoolwork that you don't deserve, etc. Do you really think that just because you prayed and asked God to have the dining hall serve corndogs instead of hamburgers that somehow he'd make it so that the burgers morphed into corndogs or the staff changed their mind and switched he menu? I'm sure that God is capable of doing this; in fact, I KNOW that he is. But I believe that he's got other things on his mind to worry about, like the spiritual warfare going on in the world, or the new earth he's going to create, or maybe he's getting prepared for more celebrations of salvation decisions. While God is capable of doing anything, and while he does care about your desires, dreams, and preferences, the fact of the matter is, maybe he WANTS your team to lose to teach you something, maybe you're supposed to receive a low grade to show you that you didn't use the talents God gave you effectively enough. Instead of wasting your precious breath praying for something that honestly isn't the biggest deal, pray for people who have never tasted corndogs because there is no food, pray for people that never get to experience a low grade because there no educational system, pray for people who can't buy anything because of the poverty level. Instead of being selfish, be selfless in your prayer. Pray that God use your interests in a way that enables ministry.
3) Looking nice ALL the time. Yes, you dress up everyday for class. You dress up for church. You dress up to go to work. You dress up on your missions trips, you dress up for your local ministries. Maybe you don't look particularly fancy, but you're sure to wear your most expensive items when you're around people to show them how much God has blessed you. Yes, be proud of your blessings. However, remember that God sees you when you look your scummiest. Remember that when you minister to someone who is worse off than you, it might not be the best idea to wear your Ralph Lauren sweater or bring your Coach purse. That's just like rubbing their conditions in their faces. Wearing lots of makeup 24 hours a day? Even when you're around the people you minister to? You might as well tell them things like being successful and well-off is easy if you're beautiful, or that you can actually afford beauty. Can you go a day without makeup? If not, are you really comfortable with the way God made you? Don't be afraid to look like a scuzzball sometimes. If you're at school, you're there to learn. While you should be clean, if/when you can, it's not necessary to wear a dress everyday of the week or to have your nails done all the time. Adam and Eve didn't have those luxuries; they were happy with how God made them. It's okay to be without them, promise!
4) Getting married as soon as you start dating. This gets on my nerves more than almost anything. Especially at places like Liberty, people get engaged after dating someone for 3 months, or a similar amount of time. You don't even know the person! While you may be thinking, "gee, I could marry this person, seems like he/she could be the one!" you don't know them fully. Even if you do by some chance, is it really wise to marry while you're in college? If you already have a career going, cool. If you're going to be done in a semester anyway, whatever. You're a sophomore or a junior in college? No, hold on. You are going to have school debts to pay off. You're going to have to find a job, too, and with the economy as it is, you may not get as much money as you want. If you're still in college while you get married, and you've still a while to go, think about what you're doing. You're going to have to pay off your wedding (unless someone is paying it off for you), some kind of rent or mortgage payment, and bills of all kinds that DON'T include your school bills (insurance, electric, water, cell phone, etc.). If you go to school full time and don't have a decent sized scholarship, you're in trouble. If you love the person, and it's true love, the two of you will be able to make it through until AFTER you've graduated. It'll be better. You'll be able to get to know each other more and practice working through stresses and problems that are bound to arise. True love works through anything, right? Right. :) I will be truthful, I am jealous of those who are able to get married, but I'm more frustrated because I'm nowhere NEAR marriage-ready (although I may be at least halfway there), and I've dated Taylor longer than a lot of people have dated their fiancees. Just chill, relax, and enjoy being an adolescent.
That's all for now, there are LOTS more, but I have class.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Optimist today!
I'm more cheerful today than I was before.
I've been praying more, and I think God is just putting stuff in my life to draw me closer.
I've got the hint, Father. I've got it. I'm coming!
I know that sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes circumstances prevent growth in a friendship, so I'm praying that things will improve. I still care about everyone in my life very very much, and they should know that if I can ever do anything for them, I will.
I miss my friends from So. IL very dearly...I hope I get to see them soon. My mom is paying for me to go to a childhood friend's wedding (it's her best friend's son. we've shared a crib), and that's the only reason I'm going home. I will be there for maybe 3 days...I will have to come back since I'm taking summer classes. I'm so glad she was willing to buy my ticket...otherwise I couldn't have come back.
I hope to visit for a week or two in July. I'll be bringing Taylor with me so everyone can meet him and see how wonderful he is!!!
I've turned in about 8 applications for this summer, all in retail. I really need some new clothes, and I thought working in clothing stores would be beneficial for a summer job. Be praying that something comes up! I'm going to apply to other places, too, like some daycare centers. That way I can put some relevant work on my resume, and maybe have a different work schedule in the fall. I'm not getting much sleep since I work late most days. The goal, since my classes are done early, is to work a couple days a week, be done with that by 5, and have the evening to relax and study, hopefully getting to bed BY 11.
It's a stretch, but it's doable I think.
I've been praying more, and I think God is just putting stuff in my life to draw me closer.
I've got the hint, Father. I've got it. I'm coming!
I know that sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes circumstances prevent growth in a friendship, so I'm praying that things will improve. I still care about everyone in my life very very much, and they should know that if I can ever do anything for them, I will.
I miss my friends from So. IL very dearly...I hope I get to see them soon. My mom is paying for me to go to a childhood friend's wedding (it's her best friend's son. we've shared a crib), and that's the only reason I'm going home. I will be there for maybe 3 days...I will have to come back since I'm taking summer classes. I'm so glad she was willing to buy my ticket...otherwise I couldn't have come back.
I hope to visit for a week or two in July. I'll be bringing Taylor with me so everyone can meet him and see how wonderful he is!!!
I've turned in about 8 applications for this summer, all in retail. I really need some new clothes, and I thought working in clothing stores would be beneficial for a summer job. Be praying that something comes up! I'm going to apply to other places, too, like some daycare centers. That way I can put some relevant work on my resume, and maybe have a different work schedule in the fall. I'm not getting much sleep since I work late most days. The goal, since my classes are done early, is to work a couple days a week, be done with that by 5, and have the evening to relax and study, hopefully getting to bed BY 11.
It's a stretch, but it's doable I think.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Rain, Rain, Go Away!
That song was always depressing. I like the rain. Well, the sound of it, anyway. Makes for some good reading atmosphere, especially when it's been a blah sort of day. Or rather semester. I've been having the same problems over and over again. When I think they've finally gone away for good, they just come back and bite me.
A small thing is just too much schoolwork. I try to balance all of the work I have to do with trying to have a healthy social life and keeping myself healthy and well, it doesn't exactly work all of the time. I get swamped with different assignments and deadlines, I end up hanging out with just Taylor, hardly spend time with my dad, don't get enough rest at all....then I fall behind. I end up praying that my teachers give me grace that I truly don't deserve. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. It's frustrating just trying to be enough.
The second thing, and probably the most stressful thing, is the relationship I'm in. The relationship between me and Taylor, considering just the two of us, is great. We talk things out, we make each other laugh, we trust each other completely, we try to lead to other to God (we still work very hard on that one...that's not where it should be but we are trying!). But when you try to factor in that we don't have a lot of money, that presents a bit of a problem. Like we don't go out a lot anymore, and then Taylor and my dad bump heads. Or rather Taylor's head gets bumped. I don't think that my dad likes Taylor. If he did, I'm not sure he does anymore. Maybe he has the potential to like him (or like him again), but there are a few things preventing that I guess. Like Taylor getting a degree in Worship with a business specialization. To my dad, that's a worthless degree he can't get a job with. Taylor has ADD, and to my dad, that's a scapegoat for all of the problems that occur in Taylor's or my life. I've been paying for more stuff lately, so I'm dating him instead of him dating me. Basically it all comes to one huge nuclear climax, and there is no resolution in sight.
I never dreamed this for myself. When I was younger, I imagined a perfect life; when you're young you're completely unaware of all the bad things around you...and of course nothing bad will ever happen to you. I thought I'd be living by myself by now, graduating college early, having a double major, a cool car, cool pets, tons of friends, a fiancee, parents that were married, brother and sister who call me or I call them daily......but I don't have that. Life got in the way. The plans that I had for myself went down the drain. Granted, I've changed job prospects hundreds of times since I was little, but the idea remained the same...I would work so hard to get ahead, get lots of friends and family support, and have all of my dreams come true. I guess God has something else in store for me. I just wish it were something good for a change. That'd be nice.
I keep praying for some kind of resolution, but I don't see one. A future with Taylor looks bleaker and bleaker sometimes. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but sometimes I worry about how we'll make it. I want some friends. I'm supposed to have the greatest friends in the world...that's what college is for, right? Maybe not. The best friends I used to have are gone now. Sometimes it's hard to think that they still care. The friends I have at Liberty don't really ask me to do anything unless they need a ride or something. I feel that most of my friendships there are conditional. That's the downside of not living in the dorms I guess. I feel very lonely.
It's growing harder and harder to fill the void. I would love to fill it with some Jesus, but that doesn't even seem like it works. I can't seem to let go of my dreams and replace them with God's.
I hope that this will be fixed sometime soon. It's getting to be all too much anymore. It's getting old. I don't want to deal with it anymore; I'm sick of it. When will it change?
A small thing is just too much schoolwork. I try to balance all of the work I have to do with trying to have a healthy social life and keeping myself healthy and well, it doesn't exactly work all of the time. I get swamped with different assignments and deadlines, I end up hanging out with just Taylor, hardly spend time with my dad, don't get enough rest at all....then I fall behind. I end up praying that my teachers give me grace that I truly don't deserve. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. It's frustrating just trying to be enough.
The second thing, and probably the most stressful thing, is the relationship I'm in. The relationship between me and Taylor, considering just the two of us, is great. We talk things out, we make each other laugh, we trust each other completely, we try to lead to other to God (we still work very hard on that one...that's not where it should be but we are trying!). But when you try to factor in that we don't have a lot of money, that presents a bit of a problem. Like we don't go out a lot anymore, and then Taylor and my dad bump heads. Or rather Taylor's head gets bumped. I don't think that my dad likes Taylor. If he did, I'm not sure he does anymore. Maybe he has the potential to like him (or like him again), but there are a few things preventing that I guess. Like Taylor getting a degree in Worship with a business specialization. To my dad, that's a worthless degree he can't get a job with. Taylor has ADD, and to my dad, that's a scapegoat for all of the problems that occur in Taylor's or my life. I've been paying for more stuff lately, so I'm dating him instead of him dating me. Basically it all comes to one huge nuclear climax, and there is no resolution in sight.
I never dreamed this for myself. When I was younger, I imagined a perfect life; when you're young you're completely unaware of all the bad things around you...and of course nothing bad will ever happen to you. I thought I'd be living by myself by now, graduating college early, having a double major, a cool car, cool pets, tons of friends, a fiancee, parents that were married, brother and sister who call me or I call them daily......but I don't have that. Life got in the way. The plans that I had for myself went down the drain. Granted, I've changed job prospects hundreds of times since I was little, but the idea remained the same...I would work so hard to get ahead, get lots of friends and family support, and have all of my dreams come true. I guess God has something else in store for me. I just wish it were something good for a change. That'd be nice.
I keep praying for some kind of resolution, but I don't see one. A future with Taylor looks bleaker and bleaker sometimes. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but sometimes I worry about how we'll make it. I want some friends. I'm supposed to have the greatest friends in the world...that's what college is for, right? Maybe not. The best friends I used to have are gone now. Sometimes it's hard to think that they still care. The friends I have at Liberty don't really ask me to do anything unless they need a ride or something. I feel that most of my friendships there are conditional. That's the downside of not living in the dorms I guess. I feel very lonely.
It's growing harder and harder to fill the void. I would love to fill it with some Jesus, but that doesn't even seem like it works. I can't seem to let go of my dreams and replace them with God's.
I hope that this will be fixed sometime soon. It's getting to be all too much anymore. It's getting old. I don't want to deal with it anymore; I'm sick of it. When will it change?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A, C....natural.....E...flat...ural!
I feel very optimistic today.
Last week was spring break, and the preparation for that was brutal. I had so many things due and so much reading to catch up on that I was very overwhelmed. I made it through about three major papers, two books, a few short responses, more than a few essays, and hours of wind ensemble rehearsal.
Spring break was a lot of fun. Wind ensemble went on its annual tour, and this year we went north, with the apex of our journey residing in Vermont. I was able to see Washington, D.C for the first time, and we stopped in Manhattan, N.Y.C. for a couple of hours. I stayed in Amish country and in Harlem, and I had the most epic of failures during my snowboarding attempt while in Vermont. Spending so much time on a charter bus that just fits our 58-person roster was definitely interesting...we all got on each others' nerves at one point or another; I even cried. Twice. It was a fantastic learning experience; I learned to be appreciative for the things I have, thankful for the things I don't have to experience, and how to be friends with another person under close quarters. I made a stronger bond with a few girls over this trip, and got to know a few more people that I had not known before. :D I'd like to promise that I would post pictures, but I never seem to get around to doing that.... Perhaps I'll do a few picture-and-caption posts later on. I don't know.
Spring break provided me insight, relaxation, and mental rest, all of which I was desperately in need of. I am back at school feeling more positive about the rest of the semester and the rest of my time at Liberty. I register for classes at midnight after tomorrow evening, and I have sorted out the other three semesters. It's very real that I am graduating very soon. I feel organized, and I realized that my academic loads won't be as stressful. With my intended schedule for next semester, I will be done with my classes by noon, I will be able to work daytime study hall, and I will able to spend time at home most evenings, which will be nice because....
WE ARE GETTING A HOUSE! My dad and I live in a townhouse apartment right now. We've had it longer than we expected because of financial stuff just not clicking last spring. But now, everything was approved well enough in advance, and we've got the green light to make our selection. This weekend, we will choose our new home from 4 houses. I am so excited. I think that having more space will make my relationship with my dad stronger and it will make/keep both of us happier more times than not. I cannot wait to tend to actual household chores. Also, we are going to be keeping my brother's dog, George, with us since my brother will be on location for a year for the Army. It will be beneficial for us to have a pet again; pets generally make humans happier, and when I am gone, my dad will appreciate having someone to hang out with, even if the dog has ADHD (he actually probably really does!).
I am doing my best to be ultra supportive of Taylor in every facet of his life. I listen to his song drafts, give my opinions...I help him with his music theory homework. Today I made him flashcards of the main chords he needs to know, since he's not so good with accidentals. Since he's a worship major, he needs to be firm with his classical musical background training...the basics are a must! I quizzed him today on some of them, and he did alright, but there's still room for improvement. I told him that he should keep the flashcards with him all of the time, and that I would quiz him periodically. He will also have them for reference in case he is ever confused. I hope that he is active in using them, though, because they will help a lot. I'm very thankful that Taylor and I have awesome problem-solving methods. No matter the issue, we always work it out soon after or even during the fight. We do not let it bake. Because of this, we always end up perfectly fine and stronger than we were before. :)
My mom called and wants to fly me home for Easter. I really would like to go, especially since my brother's birthday falls on Easter, but that would leave my dad here by himself. He's unsure of whether he wants me to go or not...I don't blame him. I might tell my mom that I'm not going to come...I do not want my dad to spend any holiday by himself. Hopefully she will be able to fly out to see me sometime in April.
Things are going so well. The big one-year anniversary is coming up in about 2 weeks...I couldn't be more excited or in love! Taylor made me try on some rings at the jewelry store yesterday (we were there to pick up a necklace chain that I had broken before...gold sauntering is the most amazing thing!). Of course I couldn't refuse! He's been keeping his eye out on prices and designs...everything is finally seeming real!
Last week was spring break, and the preparation for that was brutal. I had so many things due and so much reading to catch up on that I was very overwhelmed. I made it through about three major papers, two books, a few short responses, more than a few essays, and hours of wind ensemble rehearsal.
Spring break was a lot of fun. Wind ensemble went on its annual tour, and this year we went north, with the apex of our journey residing in Vermont. I was able to see Washington, D.C for the first time, and we stopped in Manhattan, N.Y.C. for a couple of hours. I stayed in Amish country and in Harlem, and I had the most epic of failures during my snowboarding attempt while in Vermont. Spending so much time on a charter bus that just fits our 58-person roster was definitely interesting...we all got on each others' nerves at one point or another; I even cried. Twice. It was a fantastic learning experience; I learned to be appreciative for the things I have, thankful for the things I don't have to experience, and how to be friends with another person under close quarters. I made a stronger bond with a few girls over this trip, and got to know a few more people that I had not known before. :D I'd like to promise that I would post pictures, but I never seem to get around to doing that.... Perhaps I'll do a few picture-and-caption posts later on. I don't know.
Spring break provided me insight, relaxation, and mental rest, all of which I was desperately in need of. I am back at school feeling more positive about the rest of the semester and the rest of my time at Liberty. I register for classes at midnight after tomorrow evening, and I have sorted out the other three semesters. It's very real that I am graduating very soon. I feel organized, and I realized that my academic loads won't be as stressful. With my intended schedule for next semester, I will be done with my classes by noon, I will be able to work daytime study hall, and I will able to spend time at home most evenings, which will be nice because....
WE ARE GETTING A HOUSE! My dad and I live in a townhouse apartment right now. We've had it longer than we expected because of financial stuff just not clicking last spring. But now, everything was approved well enough in advance, and we've got the green light to make our selection. This weekend, we will choose our new home from 4 houses. I am so excited. I think that having more space will make my relationship with my dad stronger and it will make/keep both of us happier more times than not. I cannot wait to tend to actual household chores. Also, we are going to be keeping my brother's dog, George, with us since my brother will be on location for a year for the Army. It will be beneficial for us to have a pet again; pets generally make humans happier, and when I am gone, my dad will appreciate having someone to hang out with, even if the dog has ADHD (he actually probably really does!).
I am doing my best to be ultra supportive of Taylor in every facet of his life. I listen to his song drafts, give my opinions...I help him with his music theory homework. Today I made him flashcards of the main chords he needs to know, since he's not so good with accidentals. Since he's a worship major, he needs to be firm with his classical musical background training...the basics are a must! I quizzed him today on some of them, and he did alright, but there's still room for improvement. I told him that he should keep the flashcards with him all of the time, and that I would quiz him periodically. He will also have them for reference in case he is ever confused. I hope that he is active in using them, though, because they will help a lot. I'm very thankful that Taylor and I have awesome problem-solving methods. No matter the issue, we always work it out soon after or even during the fight. We do not let it bake. Because of this, we always end up perfectly fine and stronger than we were before. :)
My mom called and wants to fly me home for Easter. I really would like to go, especially since my brother's birthday falls on Easter, but that would leave my dad here by himself. He's unsure of whether he wants me to go or not...I don't blame him. I might tell my mom that I'm not going to come...I do not want my dad to spend any holiday by himself. Hopefully she will be able to fly out to see me sometime in April.
Things are going so well. The big one-year anniversary is coming up in about 2 weeks...I couldn't be more excited or in love! Taylor made me try on some rings at the jewelry store yesterday (we were there to pick up a necklace chain that I had broken before...gold sauntering is the most amazing thing!). Of course I couldn't refuse! He's been keeping his eye out on prices and designs...everything is finally seeming real!
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